A Pop Life

I read online that Mo’nique has an open marriage with her husband. I was actually taken by surprise. I’ve heard about Will Smith and Jada and rumblings about other famous couples that didn’t surprise me. It made me wonder about the benefits and drawbacks of an open marriage.

I myself have been married for 2 years. I married my college sweetheart. Me and my husband have been together for a total of 7 years. On an intellectual level, I can understand the need for an open marriage. When you are married, and or simply shack up, you’re with the same person day in and day out. Romance can take a back seat to talks of bills, dividing up chores, arguing over what to watch on TV, and the daily grind of full time jobs. Not to mention that you are having sex with the same person over and over and over again. No matter how much you change up the sex, the way your partner kisses really doesn’t change over time and people generally always fall back on their basic techniques. An open marriage allows the spouses the freedom to enjoy new partners without the baggage of old grudges, the ability to lather up in escapism from their regular lives, and to feed off new sexual experiences. All this while still having the stability of a long term relationship. All this sounds great on paper. Some people can successfully pull this off if and only if, both spouses truly understand and accept the terms of the open marriage.

However..

Why even get married if you feel the need to explore other avenues? Marriage is hard but the payoff is worth it. When you marry someone, you should be able to bond with someone in a unique way. You decide to be come legally binded to someone. It’s wonderful and life enriching experience. You look into your spouses eyes and you can see your future and your unborn children. Why do you think that the lesbian and gay community fight so hard to have the right to marry? Because, they like most of us, want to have the right to stand before family and friends and commit yourself to one person for life.

Yes, romance can fizzle and sex can become stale. This can happen even in unmarried couples. However, every relationship has it’s ups and downs. The sex will rise again! It’s like a kracken. Sure, it can lay dormant, but when it rises, it will devour you! Ok maybe that’s a bit overboard but you get the picture. I was blessed with a husband who is an amazing lover. I can’t speak for all married couples but I can speak for me. I never have to worry if my husband will find my spot, never have to fake it, and never have worry if it’s ok to sleep over. I also never have to worry what he will think of me the first time he sees me naked. Even our first time together was so in sync. Being with the same person year after year, adds a new level of sexual chemistry that simply was not there in our beginning years. It’s such a intimacy that fills you up and comes out your pores and you just want to lick it as it drips out of you. Yep, it’s pretty awesome. The very idea of sharing sexual intimacy with someone else is unthinkable. It’s like tearing a piece of flesh and giving it to someone else.

But hey, don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying everyone has to get married, or everyone has to commit to one person. But I like to think of marriage as the last level in super mario bros. You have to work up to it, but if stay with it, and get to the last level, victory is ever so sweet. Sure you can use a game genie to to cheat and beat the final level but it’s just not the same. You didn’t spend the hours playing, you didn’t have to take out your game and blow on it to work at 3am (or maybe you did haha), but it’s not a real victory. If you choose to get married, really give it some serious thought. Do the homework, and let each other know what both of you expect in marriage. It might save you a divorce.

photo credit: flickr user: Ann Douglas

This entry was posted on Sunday, March 7th, 2010 at 10:45 am. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.